MARCEL
My Mother and Father. Hm...
I had a Mother. I didn’t know my Father he was already out the picture before I was born. My Mother when ever I’d ask about him treated it like a sore subject and would only say when it came to him its best not knowing. My Mother she was hard, I mean she never smiled, never showed any emotion except for Anger. Boy was she angry a lot. They say a woman is supposed to be delicate but she was anything but delicate.
(chuckles)
Boy. She used to beat the shit out of me. I mean BEAT THE SHIT out of me. She said I was soft, I guess it was her way of toughening me up.
I didn’t know how to deal with that so I started to drink. I’ve never really talked about that until recently because... I was ashamed. Growing up when I did you were judged for things like that. Everything was kept hush hush in my family, there was incest in my family, Uncles trying to touch my other siblings. One uncle took my brother out to watch him have sex with other women at a young age. That’s what turned him into the monster that would touch... Us... Me.
The drugs controlled me. The drugs controlled every aspect of my life. Every action I took was based upon that shit I was putting into my body. If I ate I had to be high. If I took a shower I had to be high. All the drugs and alcohol controlled my life and made that life very dysfunctional to the point where I couldn’t be there for you, myself or nowbody else.
So if you wanna hate me. You can build up all the hate, all the anger, uncork the bottle and pour it all out on me but I promise you'll never be able to empty that bottle because at the end of the day, hate spewed over more is still only hate.
But if you chose to forgive, choose to listen to what I've said to you today and try and understand, then uncork that bottle and pour it out on me, it'll have dramatic effect cuz you'll you'll empty all that hate until there's no more left, then you'll finally be able to heal.
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